This is another brand new song this week. It's not quite done, but it's close enough for public preview. The core idea behind this one is from an event in my past, so I'll call this an old idea. Why it bubbled back up to the present creative day, I'm not really sure. Some things just need to percolate before they're ready, I guess.
Just over six years ago, I was on a week long business trip in Los Angeles, specifically at a resort hotel near Santa Monica Pier (that'll give you a hint as to the title). Nice digs? Definitely. If you've got to be away from home for a week, this is the way to do it. Add to that the fact that it was January, sunny, and 80 degrees outside, and I'm sitting pretty. Back home the infamous Raleigh ice storm of 2004, where kids were stuck in schools overnight and commuters stranded on highways for 10 or more hours, was on its way.
After a long day of meetings, I decided to watch the sun go down on the Pacific from my hotel room balcony. You can get an idea of where I was looking from in the picture below:
If I'm not mistaken, you can actually see my balcony in this shot. Whatever. While I raided the honor bar to make the dusk go by, I noticed a lot of activity on the terrace below me that looked something like this:
Well, not exactly like this. On my night they were taller and more Mediterranean, but you get the idea. Anyway, while I watched their wedding night unfold, my thoughts wandered from how beautiful the setting was to things more pessimistic. Specifically, in this land of the free and home of the 50% divorce rate, I started wondering, what are the odds they'll still be married in 10 years? I mean, this is Los Frickin' Angeles I'm sitting in. Everybody in this town is using everybody else for something, right? If you don't believe me ask Robert Downey Jr's character in the movie "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang." Isn't the divorce rate here something like 117%? Actually, according to this website the LA divorce rate is 70%. I have no idea how accurate that is and I don't care for my purposes. Let's just agree that the rate in SoCal is higher than the US average.
Which all adds up to the fact that I'm sitting in that balcony thinking with odds like that working against you, why does anybody in Los Angeles get married? At least in the rest of the country you've got a coin flip of a chance of hanging in there. Pretty cynical, right? I admit it. The answer to why most folks try is, of course, some variation of love is blind/eternally optimistic/take your pick of hopeful cliches.
Now in truth I literally hadn't thought of that couple or that night in years. It would be really interesting to know if they're still together. No, I'm not creepy enough to call the hotel and try to get their name and figure it out, but I am curious. In the meanwhile, many of you know that I went through a divorce myself since then, which means I have even more perspective and history through which to filter what I remember from that night. While pondering how my own life has changed since then, it occurred to me that my experience that night could have been really different and interestingly bitter if I'd been a grizzled, divorced guy witnessing that wedding from that balcony in that town. Put another way, what if instead of me watching what I saw it had been Kris Kristofferson? Why Kristofferson? Well, he's got a lot of ex wives, right? And because of a quote I once heard attributed to him that goes something like, "You've got to be a miserable bastard all of the time to write a decent song some of the time." So let's wallow in some misery and see if we can write a song.
I know, this is warped and depressing and nobody wants to read this crap, but that's what went through my head: how would Kristofferson write a song about that night? Of course I don't really know, but I gave it a shot and here it is:
Shutters (A Wedding in West L.A.)
To listen to the song, click on the link above, select Audio and click on the word "Listen" under the song's title
Pretty damn dark. Is that how I feel about marriage now? Hell no! I didn't just get remarried because I like to tempt fate. I married Christina because I love her and I'm grateful to her for a chance to prove I can learn from old mistakes. Plus there's no replacement for having that one person that accepts you for all you are. I hear all you singles saying you don't have to get married to have that, and you're right, but the act of commitment that marriage represents is to me a powerful symbol and incentive to try to get it right day after day, in the wee hours of the night, and as the days turn into weeks into months into years into a lifetime together. But remember, it wasn't me writing this song, it was this guy:
So, if you don't like it, blame him. See you next week, and thanks for reading, even when it hurts.
SHUTTERS [Fm/capo I]
[Em] Not really a voyeur, but it ‘pears that way
Got a [Am] beer from the honor bar, to [Em] bed down the day
In the courtyard below me, gal in [C] white sa[Am]shays
As I [Em] try to look kindly on a [B7] wedding in West L.[Em]A.
So young, stunned and beautiful, like she was born today
He looks so damn scared, you might say in a good way
When the shutters close tonight, will they know what to say?
Still I try to look kindly on a wedding in
That [Am] must be her daddy
[Em] She’s got his smile
[C] And this must be momma
With her [Em] makeup running wild
God for[G]give me for thinking
They’re [D] gonna curse this [Am] daaay
As I [Em] try to look kindly on a [B7] wedding in West L.[Em]A.
Someone’s waiting on me, ‘cross the Great Divide
Hear there’s ice in her forecast, I might have to stay awhile
But there’s babes in the woods there, that I can’t betray
As I try to look kindly on a wedding in
She had a daddy, too
But I took his smile
And her momma thought well of me
When we gave her a grandchild
Then God got me to thinking
‘Bout another waaay
Now I sit and stare blankly at a wedding in
Love your woman and use things, in that order son
And come death’s embrace, a good race you’ll have run
As for me and mine, sir, there’s still hell to pay
As I try to look kindly on your wedding … your wedding
… in
(c) Steve Celestini, March 28, 2010
